My one year following up appointment with Dr. Hoppe is this Monday, it had been postponed partly so that the film crew could be there to document parts of it. It all made me recall my first follow up appointment, when I ran into a guy in the radiation unit who told me that it was his tenth year HD check up. He was so alive and he radiated happiness. He has become one of my visualizations. I imagine that I feel just like him, internally smug and proudly healthy. It is important for me to look that far ahead, to be in the future, for it is my way of letting my body know that I plan to be here in ten years! Then, after ten years, my body will not even have any memory of having cancer. I think it is a law!

April 5, 1998
Even though my one year anniversary was March 13, I am having my one year follow-up appointment with Dr. Hoppe tomorrow. That must mean that nobody is too concerned about my health anymore, no rush to check for lumps, no worry that I may have some sort of horrible infection, and definitely no worry that even one tiny HD cell as tried to survive in my body. It is almost embarrassing to be taking up the good doctors time, but then I know it is still mighty important that I am closely observed for many years to come. Even though I know I will have expert eye's on me, I never let my guard down as far as the HD goes! I imagine myself with such a strong barrier up againt HD cells that nothing mutant or cancer-like can EVER pass!

I have the urge to roller skate into this milestone of an appointment, but I won't. I am already showing up with a film crew, for it looks like I am going to be in another documentary having to do with cancer. I would not want to bore my doctors, being healthy and all, so I will also bring them a copy of both of the articles I had published about my visualizing and cancer experience, one of which just came out this week. I must be on some sort of a roll, and I find it interesting that I have finally found a voice - all because I had cancer. I guess that some people need different experiences to slap them in the face or shall I say, find out where they fit in this world that is way too big for it's britches. Or maybe it is easier to do something positive with that which first appears like the worst most negative thing imaginable.

Next on my list of things to do is find a job doing exactly what I want - managing a childrens' software project. I have managed groups of people and projects before, it is something I think I am good at, for I like finding out people's talents and goals, then allowing each person to utilize their talents to the best of their ability and to the betterment of the project(s), all while helping each person move in the direction that personally satisfies them. It is an art to make all this work, but it creates a happy, efficient and dependable environment to work in. Why not make work enjoyable? There is no reason why all that political back-stabbing and negative gossip has to occur, it is a big waste of time in this short life we all share. I wish I could turn that one thing around in the entire world! How about that?