October 10, 1997
Where shall I begin. How about at my 6 month follow-up appointment, where I was told I was Lymphoma-free, except that the cat scan showed that I had an Ovarian cyst, along with some strange mottling in my pelvic bones. That prompted a bone scan which showed no problems in my pelvic bones, but instead highlighted 2 marble-sized spots on my third and forth lumbar vertebrae. From there the plan of attack is to take a closer look at both of these new findings. Today I started by seeing Dr. Teng about my cyst, which he said seemed benign, but he wants to do an ultra sound next week to see if it is neoplastic (cancerous). As for the spots on my spine, I have a Gallium scan set for next week, and depending on if it is positive or negative, I will have a slew of other appropriate tests. I should have results for the first set of tests by the end of next week. Goody for me!

Anyway, I have come to a few other decisions. You see, I have joined a gym, become a vegetarian, and because of all that, not only am I feeling rather healthy, but I have realized that I should see just how good I can make my life. I want to go back out into the working world, I want to be among people again, and I want to do all that with as few cancer worries looming over my head as possible. So that brings me to another decision that I have made, as long as all my cyst and spine spots are benign, then I want to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Ahhhhh! I can hear the screams. First, listen to my history. Besides a slew of other cancers in my family, my mother, my mother's mother, my mother's father, and my sister all had breast cancer, plus there is my Hodgkins, previous melanoma and all the radiation I had, which increase my risk for breast cancer. I would have to be quite the gambler to risk believing that breast cancer would never get me. Having a prophylactic mastectomy, along with a plastic surgeon's reconstruction would make me look normal and give me almost a 100% chance of never getting breast cancer. It would remove a huge cloud that has hovered over my head for most of my life. Not just that, but I would be able to eliminate future mammograms, biopsies, likely breast cancer treatment, and a possible disfiguring mastectomy to stop the spread of cancer. In my mind, the bottom life is safety, security, and survival!

One might say that I am a tab bit in limbo, that is until all my tests are done and all the results are in. But the important thing is that I feel great, which means that I can enjoy every moment now. In fact, I still have that cancer perspective, I hold onto in tight, for it allows me to enjoy life and stretch time in a way that a perfectly healthy person could not fathom. Sorry! Hey, what can I say, I have earned my scars, I have been rung out, sheared of my hair, poisoned and stripped down to my bones, and I have emerged only slightly scathed. I have peered at death and I stared it down. One could say that I feel energized, in fact, I would say that I become more energized by the day. So whatever doom tries to come my way, simply will not have a chance at beating me. I will fight with every last cell in my body. Better yet, I will catch it in it's infancy and squelch it like a bug under a big hiking boot. So there!

October 16, 1997
The latest news is that I just had my Gallium scan and ultra sound test done, and should expect results sometime next week. The preliminary results of the ultra sound showed that my cyst is fluid, not solid. Yuck, either way, yet fluid was the word I wanted to hear. So they will likely want to keep an ultra sound eye on it to watch it's progress. Phew on that one. As far as the Gallium scan results go, I did manage to see a colorful selection of my radiated insides on their computer. The technician said that the color blue meant hot, and the only blue I saw was all throughout my liver. Not to worry, for my liver was just doing it's job by collecting the radioactive materials. So I still believe that I am fine, it is a gut feeling. I have learned that my gut is often way ahead of my brain, so I tend to give it's natural intuition a fair amount of credence.

October 21, 1997
My Gallium scan was negative! But I knew it would be. Next on my list of tests is a PET scan, it will show any metabolism/activity that is going on in my system. Meanwhile, I just got 2 crowns yesterday, 5 hours at the dentist. My jaw feels a little bit like it had a fight with a nutcracker. My dentist told me that my teeth have actually faired better than a lot of other post-cancer patients in the decay department. I think that part of that is because I did not have radiation up as high in the jaw area as many HD patients do. I also just got done whitening my teeth, it is part of my self-improvement plan. You see, life is a bit too short to go through it on a so-so level, at least for me it is. So why not make a list of wishes, and methodically mark them off? My biggest wish will always be to remain in a survival state! Can't help it, I have to stick around!