September 8, 1997
It is hard to believe, but I have my 6 month follow up appointment in 2 weeks. This time I get to have a cat scan, which I must say is rather a relief. I prefer to have a heavy duty, nitty gritty beneath the surface kind of look at my body, rather than a quick chest xray and physical exam. And to insure that all the results are good, I have been doing my flushing out visualization that sends any toxins or remembrances of HD cells flying right out of my skin. Sorry Mr. Hodgkin's cell, but I told you long ago that you are not welcome in my body!

Anyway, life goes on for us survivors, and we must make plans for our future. Our immediate future! We must use our time wisely and keep ourselves healthy. Perhaps that is why I always liked Benjamin Franklin's saying, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a (person) healthy, wealthy and wise." I have always admired Ben's wisdom, and long ago I learned to listen intently whenever someone is willing to tell you something that took a lifetime to learn. It is always wise to pick the brain of a person who is doing the very thing you want to learn to do. It saves a lot of time, and time is something that everyone, not just survivors, should appreciate.

September 26, 1997
Well, I had my 6 month check up! Most of it was good, but part of it was not exactly good. Besides my rising blood counts, the part that was really good news was that the chest xray and cat scan showed that I am Lymphoma-free. The not exactly good part was the cat scan also showed that I have an ovarian cyst and some strange mottling in my pelvic bones that only slightly showed up in earlier scans. Hearing that something is strange and bigger than before is not exactly a good combination in my situation. When Dr. Hoppe told me about the increased mottling, the atmosphere of the room changed from smiles to him standing in the corner looking serious. What that did to me was make me feel numb, that is my way of suspending time a short while so that I can decide whether I want to go to denial or straight to anger. All I could ask him was, "What do you think it is?" He would not really give me an answer, but he did recommend a bone scan, "Just to be safe." He did say that the mottling did not quite look like osteoporosis, but it was all he could relate it too other than maybe it is caused by all my treatments. Underneath his words, I could tell he was concerned, especially when he said he had not really seen mottling quite like mine. At least he was not too worried about the cyst and simply suggested I have a gynecologist take a closer look at it. So the plan now is to get a bone scan on this coming Monday, and then make an appointment with Dr. Teng for the cyst.

I have decided to believe that everything is going to be OK. My dad came up with the explanation that the mottling could be caused by calcification due to my increase in exercise. Plus when I go skating, I practice jumps that I know put pressure on my pelvic bones everytime I land. I admit that I have also landed on my rear a time or two or more, and that has got to be stressful on my pelvic bones. I am going to assume that most cancer survivors are not out flinging their body around on a pair of skates, and it would also make sense that my bones are not as strong as they used to be. After all, not only was I inactive for almost a year and a half, but my bones have been radiated and my bone marrow was once packed with Hodgkins. With all that in mind, I will now visualize Dr. Hoppe smiling when he realizes that I am suffering from a case of too much healthy exercise.

Speaking of visualizing, I have added a new one to my cast of images. I imagine my entire body, bones and all, being a sponge mop that I ring out until all the bad cells and fluid gush out. Then I rinse myself off. I have noticed that Blorts are not in my visualizations as often now, and that my visualizations are more of an all over one shot deal. They mostly have to do with cleansing my system, instead of fighting cell by cell. I have been maintaining my health, instead of trying the heal myself. But it is now time for me to go beyond the maintenance level, and shoot for being at a high level of fitness. No disease can get me there!

Besides all that, I feel as though I have just started a new phase in my life. I have such a clear head! I forsee new things happening for me this year, and I have my new perspective on life to thank for that. I have a lot of goals, and for the first time I feel equipped to make them happen. I have a lot of choices in this world, and all I have to do is make wise ones. And that is just my plan!