I made a pretty spur of the moment decision to get away from it all for a long weekend and headed away to my mother's house. 

Then after I'd been there a couple of days I decided as I wasn't going to work that week anyway I would head down to my aunt's house and spend the remainder of the week there with her and the kids.  It was so nice to get away from London and get some fresh air and a bit of exercise.

I am still feeling pretty weak from my "infection?" and my muscles seem to have atrophied after about a month of not doing anything.  I'm trying to do a little stretching and some walking every day to kind of ease them back into action. Though I overdid it today and went on a grocery shop.  My first day back and I bought too much stuff and am now a bit achy!

The combination of my last treatment and the drugs they have me on for the infection and drug damage is really getting to me. I also think that the accumulation of chemotherapy is starting to take it's toll. I certainly don't have the energy I had before the infection. The drugs for the pneumonia produce some similar side effects to the chemo. I never had too much nausea with my treatments and no mouth sores but now I have both, which is a drag.

I am loathe to say this out loud for fear of tempting fate, but I haven't had night sweats for a while -  sssh don't tell anyone!.  I am getting hot flashes around my menstrual week.

One thing I am suffering from at the moment is a huge chocolate and sweets and junk food binge. Though this is not a totally unknown and out of the blue unusual occurrence for me.  I have recently stopped smoking and so I'm probably allowing myself more than usual.

My emotions have been up and down.  I am, obviously disappointed that as soon as I got good news about my scans my health deteriorated. The thought of 5 more treatments is exhausting just to imagine, and I'm still quite nervous of my life at the end of treatment. My anxiety about what to do is still quite high.

Visualizing has taken an interesting turn.  

I have been using the same technique I applied to my chemotherapy with the new drugs.  

I am imaging the drugs flowing through my stomach into my bloodstream and to my lungs where they fight off and kill the infection or clear the drug damage and my white blood cells come and clear it up and flush it away.  

I took a break from rebuilding my blood cells because when I came out of hospital they were quite high and remained so on my next treatment day.  I think one of the drugs was chemically raising my white counts, now that I am reducing the amount of the drugs I am taking I will begin to work on the white blood cells for Wednesday's treatment day.

My hair is really balding now, very patchy and similar to baby hair, very fine, there are area's on my hair which are completely see through. 

I have gained quite a bit of weight in a bloaty kind of way around my face and trunk.  My shoulder's seem to have broadened which is bizarre. So I kind of look fatter, though I haven't actually gained very much weight since beginning chemo. 

My eyebrows and eyelashes have also thinned considerably, and in the last fortnight I have developed lots of freckles and a slight rash on my face. So my face is a bit odd too. 

They are going to think I'm the new temp!!

I'm planning a hearty meal this evening a nice Lazagne and a huge salad. I'm looking forward to it despite my mouth problems - I shall attempt to stop procrastinating about the bomb site that is my bedroom and get it tidied up and then get some rest. Tomorrow I am hoping to do as little as possible, the clocks change tonight so we lose an hour which always puts me out of

kilter.