I have had a week's holiday. I escaped from London to Northumberland to soak up some fresh air and relax. 

Typically, I caught a cold right at the beginning of the week and had one really pathetic day, but it got better as the time went on. The weather was glorious and it was so nice to get away.

A healthy body and mind is the picture I'm imagining, strengthening my weakened muscles and building up strength against infection.

I had my penultimate treatment today. 

I am feeling dreadfully tired, possibly because I traveled back yesterday. My eyes are very red and I wonder if this is because of my cold. I actually fell asleep in the chair while getting my chemo, a first for me. I plan to eat something and get some rest tonight as I am back at work tomorrow and need all the strength I can get. That's just to cover the journey in!!

I have decided to turn my visualization towards a brighter future. 

I am rather anxious about my life after treatment. 

I'm worried that though I feel the need to change my life; to try and get work in the area I have a passion for, to be healthier, to not live in a city. 

I really don't know how to achieve these things. I worry that because of financial restraints that will prevent me from being able to effectively change things. I need my own space but cannot afford a place of my own. I also really want to have children, but don't know if I physically can; financially I'm not in a position to and finding a relationship would help!  

So I'm in great need of positive visualization, before I just throw in the towel and give up entirely.

I do sometimes wonder what the point of the struggle against the disease is if my future is so uncertain, or rather certain, but not the life I want to be living. I have peaks and troughs of emotion, some days hopeful and enthusiastic, others bleak.