May 1999
May 16, 1999
Did I ever mention that I have always wanted to be like Madonna on stage, if only I could sing? Well, I have seen myself up there in the lights, feeling as if I was on top of a mountain addressing the world. Well, that is how I see my new "Hello Cancer" career, one that I waited until I hit my 2 year survivor mark, along with feeling settled in my role as a divorced mom. I actually plan ahead, to some people's surprise, but I have always followed a direction even if I was not sure exactly how I was going to get there. I can tell if I am on the right tract now, something that cancer has taught me. I close my eyes, and I can tell if I am being drawn or dragged. I must be drawn or I will change my direction. I just don't have the luxary of walking even a mile down the wrong path, but I do have the wisdom to stop and turn around. My feet and my brain are finally working together. It is a powerful feeling to have control over one's life, and is probably the only thing that beats youth.
How lucky can one person be? A majority of people go through life without a big cancer slap in the face, and they never get to throw their fears away and live life as if they only had a minute left to live. They do not have the reality of their own death stare them in the mirror, allowing them to stop time and stand absolutely alone in the world. It makes you want to stand on top of a very tall mountain and wave your powerful hands over the world below. It is an image I have in my head, one that cancer has made possible. In my previous life, the one before cancer, I would be very angry right now at the multiple botched photos I have attempted to get through an nameless photography studio for my 2 year survivor updates and my new "Hello Cacner" career. But hey, they are just photos, each are worth a 1000 words, adding up to about 14,000 words total. OK, so now I have 14,000 botched words that I could be mad about, but my continuing "cancer perspective" tells me that in the scheme of things, it is not that big a deal. I will wait 30 minutes and pretend like I was never mad at all. I will take new photos later, better photos.
May 1, 1999
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
